Dejavu

I was standing in front of my society's booth, promoting to the juniors to join us. Suddenly, a girl came up to Dilla and me. We greeted her, explained on how COP works in the faculty, and in the middle of explaining, she cut us off politely and asked, "Okay ke belajar dekat sini? Exam, belajar, kawan kawan?"

That was random. Thought that she was going to ask something related to our club. That curiosity left both of us silent and we simultaneously exchanged glance. We mumbled awkwardly, trying to find the right words to say. Both of us know that we were not supposed to make her feel down. It was her freaking first day in law school. We answered, "Okay je. Mula mula memang susah tapi lama lama nanti dah adapt, you'll be okay"

AND. SURPRISE! THIS. GIRL. IN. FRONT. OF. US. SUDDENLY. BURST. INTO. TEARS

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It was like dejavu. The chills run in my vein and give me shiver.

Looking at her crying, it brought me back to my first-semester journey. It was difficult. I always thought that I've prepared physically and mentally for the hurdles but heh I was fooled with the idea of optimism. An image of me as a freshman popped out. I vividly saw me crying of culture shock during the freshies' night; crying at the back of the law library on the third week of semester because I could not comprehend what the hell is R v Willans's judgement. Recalling back, I totally felt that UM was a wrong decision I made at that point of life and this place will never be a place I can call home. 

But, it's true when they say time heals. Owing to the fact that the second month, it felt a little bit better. On the third month, it felt a lot better. Then onwards until this day, law school life is totally fine and bearable though it can be such pain in the ass sometimes lol but I guess I'm getting used to this ambience already. It feels so good to be well-adapted when I thought I would not at the beginning. 

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Dilla and I reflexly hugged her tightly and convinced her that everything will be okay. I whispered to her, "It's okay to cry, for now. I used to feel the same way too" 

A blessed me

I am so blessed.

I am so blessed to the point I am guilty for what I'm having. 

I consider my old, current and future self as a sinner. As much as I'm keeping up with my relation with The One Above, my inner self is begging for His mercy to enter the jannah because I know, if it's based on solely my effort and amalan, I don't think it would be enough sobs. 

However, indeed he is Ar-Rahim.

I sometimes without realising, I hurt others with my words and actions, I postponed my prayers, took my aurah and ikhtilat lightly, and too many more sins that I believe I should just keep it silent between me and Him. But still, till today, I am granted with so many wonderful people, things, events that make me feel so happy, flattered and blessed. 

I know that when we are blessed with something and feel grateful about it, we should bertahmid; alhamdulillah or sujud syukur.  But I'm already at a point where I get so excited to tell the world that Allah's mercy is over anything in this world and God is very very very kind. ya Rahman ya Rahim. 

I am so happy for everything I have. My parents, my siblings, my opah, my wan, my big family from both sides of parents, my teachers from kindergarden until the present lecturers, old friends, new friends, health, education, Malaysia, my own society, neighbours, my family's life style, technology, the fact that I was born a Muslim and in love with it, working body parts, am able to eat anything i want (tq taste buds), like literally every single thing ya Allah i am so blessed 

so much sins yet very blessed.