As promised, I'm back here writing for a post, yeay! I am lowkey proud of myself guys, because usually the next post will be published in the year after. Haha. I have to be more disciplined, it's 2020 for God sake.
So, I did tell that I was the COP Director 2018/2019 in the previous post. I had an amazing year of working with my awesome 50 committee members, guided by dearest Prof Bani and Kak Aisyah. I was nominated and voted for the position, nonetheless I still think that it was luck was on my side as the other candidates, who are my friends, are capable so of that position. Regardless, I am so thankful for the priceless opportunity that comes together with leadership experience, life lessons and long lasting friendship acquired. Alhamdulillah.
So how was it being a director?
Honestly, it was not easy, yet bearable. Just like any other presidents or directors of student bodies, I freaked out a lot about striving for perfection. I may sound like I am exaggerating, but I used to wake up daily and the first thing I thought during shower is the to-do-lists for COP. I wanted everything to be running smoothly as planned, I reminded and pushed everyone in the group to carry out the tasks assigned and there were days when I found myself micromanaging and honestly, that is not a good trait of a leader, as you should delegate the tasks and be as inclusive as possible. But I guess it's a head thing (based on heart to heart talk with sahibae and corcor), you tend to want things to settle fast so you don't mind to do it by yourself, and because you're the one who's doing it, you know you'll put the satisfied amount of effort in task - cause you strive for best and nothing less. And it's not about others not being able to do it because most of the times, they do. And that's a trust issue which I struggled yet overcame after time. Hashtag, so proud of myself. By second semester, I fully trusted them and moved on from the insecurity for I have always knew that they're my back bone and that I can always rely on them, whenever and wherever.
Being a director also means you have to be selfless. Have, hence it's not an option. If you are already a selfless person, then it's relatively easier but for those who aren't, it's a thing we learn later acquire in the leaders' club. Maybe a leader can choose to not be one, but the later impact towards club and members, will just show you what kind of leader you are. So, question: define selfless? Selfless can be wide, but for this discussion it revolves around the boss participation with either the members or club activities - for example, in COP, we have trips to various institutions. So, if I have a COP trip or other matter that is as equally important like the trip, the qausar director without hesitation would choose the former. But qausar first or second year COP member, would have chosen the latter - because her mindset is that there will be always cop trip and she can always participate in the future.
When I was a director, I participated in most of the activities and was really engaged with the members. At first, I honestly did it out of obligation - you know the responsibility of making the club running and the members to feel belonged to this safe space. But after awhile, it was out of willingness. I found this sweet feeling mixed with contentment and the excitement to spend time with committee members and learners. I also have gotten remarks like, "of course you have to be there, you are the director kut?" True, but a director isn't alone and there's a high committee to support his/her back. This was something I learnt; to draw a line between giving my all, being available all the time and to let others take in charge when I'm in need of rest.
Last time when I wasn't a director, I always minded my own performance; be it for my own portfolio like secretary or a slot in charge for the lesson plan, for example evaluation or mini lecture. I was at my happiest state when learners reciprocate what had been taught, or my director satisfied with my work. But when I wore the director hat, it was no longer about me and my performance, rather the input gained by committee members.
Being a lady boss was a self-growth journey. There were times when I hated myself for feeling lonely - syok sendiri, pushy, emotional and ungrateful (for wanting more and more) when there was nothing or no one did anything to me anyway; it was just me being me. I definitely learnt to be a better leader and the person I am today. I am certainly wiser, mature and composed now. I did not overthink or overreact like I used to hihi. And I am so happy that I am resting now.
Being in COP for the past 3 years, it has been very incredible to witness the growth of this club. Year by year, massive changes and improvements took place with the dedication by every committed members. And if there’s one thing that is constant since 2017 until today is that, COP has always been a home and will always be to me. I am totally in awe for all the milestones and achievements had by this club. I will surely miss doing street law later when graduating. To be able to spread hope, reach those who though they aren't part of the society is so fulfilling when being rewarded with their sparkle joy eyes. And for the continuous process of learning, delivering and attaining skills, I was blessed with new friendships, new addition to my law school survival kit.
I also am grateful for the congratulatory wishes from lecturers and law faculty members about the constant improvement of COP. I did have a concrete pillar to face ups and downs throughout the year. I am so indebted to my supportive reliable high committee; harry, alya, hakiim, azureen and syuhada, and the amazing head bureaus, dee, erin and umyra. They really put up with my annoying ass and had faith in my imperfect lead even when I, myself didn't. They were my voice when I was unable to make choice. I wish I could give them all the love and credit they deserved because they were really the persons behind this success of 2018/2019 tenure.
And here a shout out to all COP family members. Thank you for choosing COP, for taking pride in COP and for adding colours to COP and making it your home. I wish this safe space will continually grow. I certainly can't wait to see all the wonders this club will attain in few years.
Thank you for everything, Community Outreach Programme UM.
:)
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